Asia's lonely hearts
Women are rejecting marriage in Asia. The social implications are serious
Aug 20th 2011 | from the print edition of The Economist
Twenty years ago a debate erupted about whether there were specific “Asian values”. Most attention focused on dubious claims by autocrats that democracy was not among them. But a more intriguing, if less noticed, argument was that traditional family values were stronger in Asia than in America and Europe, and that this partly accounted for Asia's economic success. In the words of Lee Kuan Yew, former prime minister of Singapore and a keen advocate of Asian values, the Chinese family encouraged “scholarship and hard work and thrift and deferment of present enjoyment for future gain”.
On the face of it his claim appears persuasive still. In most of Asia, marriage is widespread and illegitimacy almost unknown. In contrast, half of marriages in some Western countries end in divorce, and half of all children are born outside wedlock. The recent riots across Britain, whose origins many believe lie in an absence of either parental guidance or filial respect, seem to underline a profound difference between East and West.
Yet marriage is changing fast in East, South-East and South Asia, even though each region has different traditions. The changes are different from those that took place in the West in the second half of the 20th century. Divorce, though rising in some countries, remains comparatively rare. What's happening in Asia is a flight from marriage (see article).
Marriage rates are falling partly because people are postponing getting hitched. Marriage ages have risen all over the world, but the increase is particularly marked in Asia. People there now marry even later than they do in the West. The mean age of marriage in the richest places—Japan, Taiwan, South Korea and Hong Kong—has risen sharply in the past few decades, to reach 29-30 for women and 31-33 for men.
A lot of Asians are not marrying later. They are not marrying at all. Almost a third of Japanese women in their early 30s are unmarried; probably half of those will always be. Over one-fifth of Taiwanese women in their late 30s are single; most will never marry. In some places, rates of non-marriage are especially striking: in Bangkok, 20% of 40-44-year old women are not married; in Tokyo, 21%; among university graduates of that age in Singapore, 27%. So far, the trend has not affected Asia's two giants, China and India. But it is likely to, as the economic factors that have driven it elsewhere in Asia sweep through those two countries as well; and its consequences will be exacerbated by the sex-selective abortion practised for a generation there. By 2050, there will be 60m more men of marriageable age than women in China and India.
The joy of staying single
Women are retreating from marriage as they go into the workplace. That's partly because, for a woman, being both employed and married is tough in Asia. Women there are the primary caregivers for husbands, children and, often, for ageing parents; and even when in full-time employment, they are expected to continue to play this role. This is true elsewhere in the world, but the burden that Asian women carry is particularly heavy. Japanese women, who typically work 40 hours a week in the office, then do, on average, another 30 hours of housework. Their husbands, on average, do three hours. And Asian women who give up work to look after children find it hard to return when the offspring are grown. Not surprisingly, Asian women have an unusually pessimistic view of marriage. According to a survey carried out this year, many fewer Japanese women felt positive about their marriage than did Japanese men, or American women or men.
At the same time as employment makes marriage tougher for women, it offers them an alternative. More women are financially independent, so more of them can pursue a single life that may appeal more than the drudgery of a traditional marriage. More education has also contributed to the decline of marriage, because Asian women with the most education have always been the most reluctant to wed—and there are now many more highly educated women.
No marriage, no babies
The flight from marriage in Asia is thus the result of the greater freedom that women enjoy these days, which is to be celebrated. But it is also creating social problems. Compared with the West, Asian countries have invested less in pensions and other forms of social protection, on the assumption that the family will look after ageing or ill relatives. That can no longer be taken for granted. The decline of marriage is also contributing to the collapse in the birth rate. Fertility in East Asia has fallen from 5.3 children per woman in the late 1960s to 1.6 now. In countries with the lowest marriage rates, the fertility rate is nearer 1.0. That is beginning to cause huge demographic problems, as populations age with startling speed. And there are other, less obvious issues. Marriage socialises men: it is associated with lower levels of testosterone and less criminal behaviour. Less marriage might mean more crime.
Can marriage be revived in Asia? Maybe, if expectations of those roles of both sexes change; but shifting traditional attitudes is hard. Governments cannot legislate away popular prejudices. They can, though, encourage change. Relaxing divorce laws might, paradoxically, boost marriage. Women who now steer clear of wedlock might be more willing to tie the knot if they know it can be untied—not just because they can get out of the marriage if it doesn't work, but also because their freedom to leave might keep their husbands on their toes. Family law should give divorced women a more generous share of the couple's assets. Governments should also legislate to get employers to offer both maternal and paternal leave, and provide or subsidise child care. If taking on such expenses helped promote family life, it might reduce the burden on the state of looking after the old.
Asian governments have long taken the view that the superiority of their family life was one of their big advantages over the West. That confidence is no longer warranted. They need to wake up to the huge social changes happening in their countries and think about how to cope with the consequences.
If you find this topic interesting, this article HERE goes into more detail. It is taken from the same edition of The Economist.
This article discusses an issue that we realize it or not becomes a trend nowadays. I agree that high education is one of the factors why Asian women don't want to get married. Well, some of them. Women become more independent and often that the woman is more successful than the man. It also drives women to think that actually they're more capable than their spouse. In financial matter, women don't want to rely on men anymore. They prefer to use their own money because it's part of dignity and satisfaction.
ReplyDeleteWe can't differentiate women from men anymore. In this global era, women prove their strength and abilities, and even prove that they can be more successful than men.
Of course, this marriage problem has its impact. It impacts the birth rate to fall. Unmarried women also happen because they don't want to have a child. I think beside the reason of not wanting to settle down, it also can be that they love themselves to much that they don't want their bodies change or hurt. For independent women, having a child is, maybe, a nightmare that attach them to stay at home. I think that's why we can find many women decline marriage and prefer to stay single as their status.
I really love to discuss this thing. I agree with Adel that high education is one of the factors why Asian women choose to stay single. In my opinion there is one factor that makes so kany women to stay single. They are afraid of divorce an broken heart. Those who can finance their self will choose to stay single. Bcause now, so mamy women are more successful than men. Like the article said no marriage no baby, so many women actually are afraid to give birth. Another reason for that it is because they hate children. But I think this case will brings a good impact for Asian regiom. Ww know that Asian region has so many population and need to handle it. This problem will help Asian region to reduce their population.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with this article. Why should a woman who is independent and who receives a good income look for a man, although she is absolutely happy without one. Nowadays it is not a must to get married: You can either stay single or practise a normal relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt is the same in Europe. Most women are not subject to the pressure of getting married anymore, because they can easily afford a good life on their own. Emancipation is increasing, which is according to my point of view a very good development.
My name is 'Kemas' Destia.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I'm wondering what I want to be in the future, whether to be a housewife or to be a career woman. I love studying to prepare my career, to earn my own money, and to grab more knowledge in this world. My parents have paid my tuition which is (very)expensive, so I should study hard to get good score to have a good career. I think it is so useless to study in college with high tuition if finally I don't take a good career. In the other hand, I also want to have a partner life who can reconcile my heart. I love children, although people said that to have a baby is really painful. In addition, I think it's not healthy to not use our sexual reproduction with the same partner. Finally, It's always a good idea to marry someone we love, not only for the health of body, but also for the health of mind and soul.
In this era, marriage is not the only way to reach happiness in our life, especially for most of Asian women. They prefer to work and develop their education life than get married. In my opinion, marriage is not an easy thing to be done. I mean as a housewife I have to be able to take care of my children and my husband. And women have a huge responsibility of their family.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, I always wanted to be a good housewife than a business woman. Because at that time, I could not imagine anything about my future job. But as I grew up, I found that being an independent woman sounds pretty good. I can have my own revenue, develop my own business and I don’t have to rely on anybody.
Thus, I think marriage is not a must for Asian women and we are free to choose whether we will get married sooner or later, or not to get married at all.
-Sasha
In my opinion, women nowadays are highly educative and independent. So there is no reason why they have to be rely on men financially or intellectually. As for me, married is an option, not an liability. Many women prefer being single to having duties to take care of their husbands and children. Also, when women are getting married, they have to choose one between work or family. Most of the time of married women will be devoted to family. Since they have made their choices to be married, they automatically are responsible for their husbands and children.
ReplyDeleteUntil now, Asians still honor their traditional value so much. People take it seriously for having marriage relationship in the wedlock, thus marriage rate in Asia is obviously higher than in West countries. But as Western culture becoming more globalized, many Asians start to adopt it because it is way more convenience. Still, Asians can’t just do it as the way it is, they have to adjust it with their surrounding situation. So if they don’t want to marry, they have to do the abstinence of marriage relationship in order not to be exiled by the society. This result in latter marrying that now is becoming more common in Asian countries.
ReplyDeleteAs emancipation arises, there are more independent and successful women now than before. Because they are highly educated, they start questioning what the benefit of getting married is. If they feel free and enjoy being single then why do they have to be concern about burdens of getting married. These women don’t think they need someone to rely on because they think they are doing well by their own selves. Furthermore, Asian women hold most of the house chores while the chores are being fairly distributed among the family members in Western. I don’t think women don’t want to marry because they hate babies. It is just that they think having a baby is a little troublesome so they can’t enjoy their life anymore. That’s why people choose to marry later because they want to enjoy their life first without having to be responsible of anything other than themselves.
-Audi-
I only see women are commenting in this thread. I guess us girls are really interested in this topic. In the past, marriage function is for reproduction and to continue the family’s generation. But then it had developed that marriage is a must for everybody. Girls were educated to be a good housewife so they could help their spouses to maintain the family welfare and continue the generation. I think this act is very traditional in a way that they want their daughters to be married and be dependent to their spouse.
ReplyDeleteNowadays, that mindset is starting to fade away. There are many factors that I think influence this phenomenon. First, the modern environment we’re living in. We women don’t want our destiny to be chosen and be controlled of how to live anymore if we have the capability to live by ourselves. Secondly, women choose not to get married because of emotional and experiences. We often hear husbands cheat on their wives, husbands treat their wives badly, husbands who aren’t committed, etc. These events or issues caused in the past have become one of our considerations to choose whether to get married or not. Furthermore, women think men are selfish. Third, being a wife is not easy. It is not easy to be a wife/woman, we must look pretty, act like a lady, think like a boss, being chased with age, know physical activity (chores), have strong mental (few men understand our feelings because most of them do not know how to interpret our behavior), fulfill spouse’s sexual needs, give birth of babies, deal with kids, handle and worry about the family, and many more!
I think these factors had lead new generations women not get married at least in early age of adult. They prefer to stay independent, fulfill their own needs, save money for the future, delay the housewife responsibility, and then decide later whether to get married at certain age.
Phenomena showed in this article is a result from the woman emancipation who spread among the world. This emancipation started from western to eastern. In my point of view, emancipation does not mean that woman should be able to do a thing like what a man do. Woman emancipation is more to not harassing women and treat a women as a human creature that should be respected.
ReplyDeleteThis phenomenon showed deviated result in women emancipation. We should fix the paradigm about women emancipation into the right one. Women participation is about asking the women right equal to man right, but it does not mean that woman could leave their obligation.
Wow, I have found three articles related to women emancipation. I don't know whether it is a good or a bad thing if a woman wants to stay single for their whole life. Even for their educational purpose. It is a good thing if women don't want to depend their life on men. But marriage is another thing. It brings different happiness on someone's life. I believe most of people that posted their comment here already in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that women are not allowed to go after their own goal. But it is better if they can balance their life by having a marriage. Even in Moslem's religion, a marriage is a must. Marriage can reduce the population of Asian region. Without marriage, people who want to fulfill their sexual needs prefer having free sex without any limit. But with marriage, they automatically limit themselves with their partner.
I totally agree with you! I think women should be able to afford a good life on their own and also to live happily without men, but like what Edwin has mentioned above, marriage is another thing and it is better if people can balance their lives, so they can work but they also need to settle down and get married. I think you shouldn't marry someone because society wants you to; you should marry someone because you want to and marriage should make you feel complete, not trapped. So in my opinion, it is good that if women become more independent and if the emancipation is increasing, but it will be better if they also settle down and marry someone of their choices.
DeleteThis article shows that nowadays women start to realize that they can live independently and unattached to men through marriage. Different from past women generations, women are more educated now because women can access higher learning in today's generation. Now, some women may think that being attached and having babies through marriage is frustrating so more and more women now prefer not to get married. They prefer to manage their own living, having their own job, and if a woman is having a relationship they can change their partner anytime they want because non-marriage relationship doesn't have any written law to obey.
ReplyDeleteWoman nowadays are completely different than they used to. Nowadays woman can live independently without married to men. Career woman is common these days. It is not strange today compared to 20 or 30 years ago. In Indonesia, woman used to do household and stay at home everyday, waiting for their husband to come home from work. So you can conclude that they are so dependent to their husband. That rule doesn't apply to this age. Woman can live single and free without concerning about their financial matter. In fact, woman can raised children now without getting married.
ReplyDeleteI think not all women are as what is stated in this article. Because most Indonesians are Muslim, and in Islam marriage is an important tradition and is not something you would take lightly. But as time goes by, religious belief starts to fade and people are starting to follow contemporary lifestyle. although some women nowadays tend to also follow contemporary lifestyle by being single and not tied to married life, the majority of Indonesian women still believe and uphold the sacred tradition that is marriage. this is mainly because they want to continue their family heritage.
ReplyDeleteI can’t decide whether the declining of marriage in Asia is a good thing or not; because we have to see things from various points of view. If we see it as one of the way to reduce human population in some populated countries like China and Indonesia, it could be a good thing. But for some countries with small population, marriage could be important. Countries with small population desperately need a generation that will continue to manage the existence of their country. Nowadays, women have absolutely different thoughts with the old generation. My grandmother once said “if you have a lot of children, then you’ll easily get prosperity”. If you asked today’s women opinion about that saying, likely most of them will not agree.
ReplyDeleteMost of women today are not dependent too much on men anymore, women has proved that they can be smarter and more success than the men. Maybe I have the old way of thinking, but for me marriage is still a need for some people. Some people might have other different point of views; maybe some people think that marriage is not important since when you work like for 40 hours in a week, it’s quite hard to take care of your husband and children. It’s actually the women’s choice whether to get married or not, if they enjoy being unmarried, then why should they get married? I agree with what Kemas stated above, marriage can balance our health of mind and soul as we’ll have someone to share with, we’ll have children who can be our motivation to work.
ReplyDeleteI got the same opinion with ardine, people who choose unmarried as their life's choice maybe have so many reason to tell. Maybe they have a hard life to face, working from 7am until 8pm or always go abroad are some reasons for it. Some people bring their own stress at work to their home,and having that thing to home will affected their family. So, if some people enjoy being unmarried, let them choose what they want, maybe it is better for them to be like that.
DeleteNowadays, there are a lot of women who are better than men in career’s life. A lot of women had already owned their business, and have a good job with the high salaries. Statement that told women depend on their husband to survive in their life doesn’t true anymore. Women can survive by themselves. But, it will be better if women have family like husband and children. Because, whenever they are tired after their long day, they can share and have fun with their families. Although marriage can lead into a lot of problems, without marriage women can’t feel what is the best part of living. But still it depends on every women lifestyle. That’s their decision to be happy with their own life without husband and children.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, it’s not a bad idea if Asian women prefer single than married. Maybe they want to stay on a solo life path and finding ample reason to embrace satisfying singular lifestyles. Being a single it’s not always a bad thing. It’s fully your choice whether you want to get married or just being single. Facing nowadays conditions it’s hard to synchronize your career and your responsibility at home especially when she has husband or children to take care of. Women now are more likely to be independent. If she feels like she’s able to take care of her life, she doesn’t have to depend on somebody else.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that the vast majority of people are interested in marriage. It's also true that married people are on average happier. The fact that people are not getting married, yes, does reflect the fact that women are freer than before. But it also reflects the fact that there is a mismatch, that they are not finding the right partners perhaps, or the cultural notions of marriage are unfair to them. This mismatch is not a good thing, and there are many collateral consequences for both men and women in society. I don't know if matchmaking services are enough; it might be necessary to rethink traditional roles of women and of marriage. After all, matchmaking has always existed, but old cultural notions are less liable to change than the improving economic conditions in our societies.
ReplyDeleteIs marriage a must? I mean, why bother getting married if a woman can financially support herself without the help of a man? If the woman is happy living alone, let it be. Unless the woman wishes to get married, then that’ll be a different story.
ReplyDeleteSince I would like to focus on my career later on – I tend to be more independent – I don’t think I will have the capability of juggling a family and a career, therefore I’d probably decide to not have any children. Marriage without having children is also a possible choice.
I agree with this article. Most of women prefer not to marry at all because now more women are financially independent. Maybe those women are more enjoy to stay single rather than have a marriage. Another factor could be high education. Now there are so many highly educated women and according to the article, Asian women with the most education have always been the most reluctant to wed. So, it won’t be surprised if Asian marriage in the next following year will be declined.
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ReplyDeleteThe whole purpose of marriage is to make a family. With a husband, wife, and probably kids. And maybe the reason why most asian women prefer not to marry at young age or even not to marry at all is because of that. They prefer to work and live on their own because they're highly educated and think of themselves as independent women, rather than spending their time in their house to do the house chores or babysit their children.
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